I posted this blog awhile back… On my old blog. And though I am on this adventure to create a new voice on the internet. A voice free of disease and torment, I felt this post offered a nice reflection of where I have been and where God is taking me. It’s scary to see change… It’s scary to move forward. But the moment that anxiety is lifted… Things can be clear again! For this: I am excited!
Lately it seems like all I hear about is the beauty I have or how we are the beautiful brides of Christ. I read the book “Do you Think I am Beautiful?” and it depicts this striking picture of the confidence of a bride when she walks into the room. The breathtaking picture of a woman walking in with her white gown and in all the glory. People tear up just at the sight of her.
After the last few days I have really started to realize there is something blocking me from God. Much like there is something blocking the people at the wedding from seeing the bride in her full beauty. The bride has this veil over her face… You can see through it, but it’s blocking the pristine clarity you once had.
For me, this has been anxiety. I have been realizing that it has taken captivity over my life and I can’t even see past some situations due to the fear of being wrong or failing. I can barely handle the attack it has over me and the moment the anxiety comes it seems as though my whole life stops.
I got thinking about this today: and I thought about how the bride is known as the most beautiful woman in the room. But there is something clearly blocking her view to the outside world… And as I look at scripture, I see that God has an incredible love for His people. As a matter a fact, in 1 John 4:18 it says: There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
So I continue to battle out this moment, standing in awe of the God I love so much… But awaiting his hands as he lifts the veil from my face and removes the barrier of anxiety. This constant fear and confusion that block my view of what He really is… A moment to step back and realize that I am in love with my creator and His love is enough.
Right now it feels like I can only take peaks out from under my veil before it falls back over my face again. And for me anyway, it always feels like there is something that we struggle with: that keeps us just on the edge of being able to grasp the God we love. And that’s the essence of it: no matter what He will always be too big to understand.
Last night I was driving home from a friend’s house and I was in a bitter mood. And this song came on the radio: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJ_XEt1QpYg and it was really cool. It was like God came and melted away my bitterness. He knows I listen when I hear a song… And through that my bitterness started dissolving like snow.
“Someday she’ll trust Him and learn how to see Him Someday he’ll call her and she will come running and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she’ll pray, I want to fall in love with you.” What an incredible picture… If you’re a woman or a man, just imagine that moment: running and finally knowing that perfect love without any doubt or barrier. No veils of this world and no fears to hold us back. Satan’s grasp totally lost from you, just allowing God to sweep you up. For me, that is a crazy picture to imagine… But deep in my heart I know it to be true and I can rest in the fact the day is coming.